Huge On The Luge

Grandpa hated winter.
Couldn't stand the sight of snow.
He got surly and bitter when cold winds began to blow.
Snowflakes made him dizzy.
He hated winter sports.
And he wished ill will on little kids,
Building snowball forts.

Snow angels made him vomit.
Snowmen raised his ire.
He said "They remind me of the Kaiser."
As he stoked a melting fire.
When it rolled 'round to December,
He always wished he ne'er been born.
Well that all changed the year he got a high speed luge on Christmas morn'.

Cause he was huge on the luge when his cheeks went rouge.
No fluke in a touque.
Subzero centrifuge.
Look at Grandpa cruise like a demon on the booze.
Not a stooge like scrooge
But really huge on the luge.

He made himself a luge track.
He packed it down with ice.
He waxed his luge most everyday.
Made sure the blades would slice.
He made sharp turns without slowing down.
That took a lot of guts.
Called himself "The northern nugget"
But Grandma called him nuts.

Cause he was huge on the luge when his cheeks went rouge.
No fluke in a touque.
Subzero centrifuge.
Look at Grandpa cruise like a demon on the booze.
Not a stooge like scrooge
But really huge on the luge.

Folks came from miles around to see this crazy bugger race.
And his olympic octagenarian frost bitten, fiesty face.
Then one day, at a time trial, he broke the speed of sound.
And to this day, his beloved luge and he still have not been found.

Cause he was huge on the luge when his cheeks went rouge.
No fluke in a touque.
Subzero centrifuge.
Look at Grandpa cruise like a demon on the booze.
Not a stooge like scrooge
But really huge on the luge.

Cause he was huge on the luge when his cheeks went rouge.
No fluke in a touque.
Subzero centrifuge.
Look at Grandpa cruise like a demon on the booze.
Not a stooge like scrooge
But really huge on the luge.