Ze Fruitcake

I got another fruitcake for Christmas
Hagrid gave it to me
It's got apples, pears, and oranges
Bananas, pineapples, and prunes

I got another fruitcake for Christmas
Dumbledore gave it to me
I fed it to the giant squid
He came up to eat it, then hid

I got another fruitcake for Christmas
McGonagall gave it to me
The note said, “Try and transfigure
And this cake's presence won't linger”

I got another fruitcake for Christmas
Whompy gave it to me
He is the most talented tree
Sometimes I wish to set him free

I got another fruitcake for Christmas
Moaning Myrtle threw it at me
Which means it was all but a ghost
I liked this fruitcake the most

I got rid of my fruitcakes this Christmas
Most of them hit Snape's head
He bled and bled and bled

Madam Pomfrey doesn't like fruitcake
And she told the staff never to give them to me
Yea