Climbing Uphill

CATHERINE, at an audition.

CATHERINE:

When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that, for a while,
You'll...

Okay, thank you. Thank you so much.

CATHERINE, having dinner with her father.

I'm climbing uphill, Daddy.
Climbing uphill.

I'm up ev'ry morning at six
And standing in line
With two hundred girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
Who have already been to the gym.

I'm waiting five hours in line,
And watching the girls
Just coming and going
In dresses* that look just like this,
'Til my number is finally called.

When I walk in the room,
There's a table of men--
Always men, usually gay--
Who've been sitting, like I have,
And listening all day
To two hundred girls
Belting as high as they can!

I am a good person
I'm an attractive person.
I am a talented person
Grant me Grace!

CATHERINE, at another audition.

When you come home...
I should have told them
I was sick last week.
They're gonna think this is the way I sing.
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?
I'll sing louder.
Maybe I should stop and start over.
I'm going to stop and start over.
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume.
I made up half my resume
Look at me.
Stop looking at that, look at me.
No, not at my shoes.
Don't look at my shoes--
I hate these fucking shoes.
Why did I pick these shoes?
Why did I pick this song?
Why did I pick this career?
Why does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a callback,
I can go to Crate and Barrel with Mom and buy a couch.
Not that I want to spend a day with Mom,
But Jamie needs space to write,
Since I'm obviously such a horrible annoying distraction to him.
What's he gonna be like when we have kids?;
And once again...
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cast
Linda Blair in a musical.
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck,
I suck.
When fin'lly you come home
To...

Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much.

CATHERINE, talking to her friend.

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog and the garden of herbs.
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beernuts and missing the clues.
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along at the genius's heels!
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by.
And I...

When you come home to me I'll wear a sweeter smile...

*The lyric was changed to "in outfits that look just like this" in the actual off-Broadway production to fit the costuming needs.