Jello Shots

No doubt there will be some who'll claim I'm in error,
When I speak of the satirist known as Tom Lehrer.
You've seen his LPs up in your parent's attics,
Recorded when he was teaching mathematics.
But it's not odd tunes or old calculus pages,
That will be his legacy passed through the ages...

The folks still remember, it was late December
Of '56, that was the case.
Serving in the Army, Tom's planned Christmas party,
No spirits allowed on the base.
'Sneak it in?' you may ask, 'in a small metal flask?'
No way, 'cause those Sergeants could smell a tin.
So do what you oughta', use vodka, not water,
Inside a dessert made of gelatin.

Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
From Fort Dix out to Santa Monica!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
You saved us all from a dry Chanukah!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
We sure fooled that old Uncle Sam,
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
But now I'm not sure where I am.

Just take some fine gin once beloved by Bing Crosby,
And combine it with snacks once endorsed by Bill Cosby.
If small children saw them, they'd sure want a turn at these,
So we knew they would love them at college fraternities,
Sorority girls downed as much as they could,
And even at Harvard its M.I.T. good!

In chemistry class, when you spy a hot lass,
Learn this hydrolyzed collagen's relevance.
From her you'll get a smooch, with some lemony hooch,
If you're in command of the Elements.
So look out, here they come! Take Tequila or Rum,
And make it Lime, Orange, or Cherry.
It's the treat you can spike, and to folks you don't like,
You can always give them the raspberry.

Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Watch those sugars and additives congeal!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
It's a preschooler's 60-proof meal!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Oh, down your gullet they will frolic!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Your floor looks like a Jackson Pollack.

Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
The greatest stuff ever, I think.
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
I don't know, because I never drink!