Trekkie Case

Do you have the time
To watch some Deep Space Nine,
Or Voyager, Next Gen, or original one?
I am one of those
Fake Spock ear wearing fools.
Obsessive to the bone, no doubt about it.
Sometimes I give you all the creeps.
Haven't dated since 'seventy.
So go on call my bluff.
I just can't get enough
Of Chakotay, Counselor Troi, Sisko, and Bones.

I guess you could call me, a Trekkie case!

I went to a con
Dressed up like a Klingon.
I sold my Mom's wheelchair to buy the head-ridge.
And while I was there,
Bought Shatner's underwear
Which I keep sealed up air-tight in a shrine in my fridge.
Guess what I did all month last May?
I spent it stalking George Takei.
I flashed him, he got scared,
And screamed “What is that down there?!”
That's no tribble Sulu, I'm just happy to see you.

...QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA!
QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA!
QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA!
QAPLA! QAPLA! QAPLA!...

Constellation class,
Is tattooed on my ass!

Kirk, and Picard, and Sisko,
And Janeway always racing
Borg, Romulans, and Klingons.
It's really quite amazing.
Dax, and Bashir, Uhura,
And Riker, Scotty, Data,
Jake, and Tuvok, Obrien,
And Chekov, Neelix, Kira,
Q, Khan and Worf, and Odo
Are always feeling cranky.
Quark, Rom and Nog, Zek and Brunt,
And all those cool Ferengi.
Fly, starry skies, Enterprise,
Defiant, Voyager, Why
I'd sell my soul to be a red
Shirt guy, that's cause I...

...Don't got a job, don't leave my bed.
The TV's duck taped to my head.
I watch it 'til I puke,
and if I could meet Jean-Luc,
I'd say “As long as you're out looking for life, find one for me!”