The Great Luke Ski

I’m on an ego trip, so come along for the ride,
And you will find out that it’s all completely justified,
Or you could run and hide, that’d be okay with me,
Long as you know what put ‘the great’ inside ‘the great Luke Ski!’
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*Musical comedy! The most glorious words in the English language!*

You won’t believe all that I gotta go through
Just so I can get here and do a show for you.
Schmoozing the con staff to book the invite,
The next step’s plugging it on my website
You’ll get so many e-mails it’ll make ya wretch,
I’m slingin’ more Spam than a Monty Python sketch.
Pack every prop and costume I’m able,
CDs and signage for the merch tabl
Then I cruise as I hop behind the wheel
Of my ‘97 Dodge Neon Luke-Ski-Mobile!
Two hundred K miles, and I’m addin’ more,
Get to the convention, kick down the door,
Check in, get my badge, next part of the scheme
Is for me to transform into a one man street team!
Put up fliers everywhere the eye can see,

So everybody knows where my concert will be.
If I don’t promote myself, who the Hell will?
You? I don’t think so. I got no time to chill.
Sit on panels, (FireFly versus Star Trek,)
Pluggin’ my show, all the way until sound check.
Then my adrenaline forms a geek rage,
The crowd goes wild as Luke Ski hits the stage!
Finally I get to rock the mike,
And kick these fandom lyrics you all like,
And if you like my comedy skills,
You’ll buy a disc so I can pay my rent and bills.
That’s my thing, I ain’t got no bling,
Just a few choice fangirls, and a mike in which to sing.
Those who decry me for living my dreams,
They’re just jealous at their day jobs eatin’ Krispy Kremes.
You may think this theme’s a little harsh on thee,
Well that’s too bad cause it’s the truth about the great Luke Sk
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke, you’re a genius!*

You must be a jerk if you say that you’re proud,
Of all you’ve accomplished, it’s just not allowed.
Milestones it’s taken me years to achieve,
I celebrate, cause in me I believe.
I’ll say I’m great and ignore and their wack ilk.
Ain’t gonna steal any more of my self-esteem.
And I’ll win the Pegasus for best rap filk,
(Yeah?) In the year Twenty-seven-thirteen.
This is Dementia: The Next Generation,
And I’m the Jean-Luke of the Federation.
It’s revolution time! Are you ready? (Yeah!)
I’m the ‘G-R-8’, to the ‘Luke’, to the ‘S-K-E’.
Oops, I meant to say ‘I’…
Uhh, ‘cause ‘S-K-I’ spells ‘Ski’. I no longer have to justify,
The things I do or what I say,
And if I never make it big, that’ll be okay,
But if the time does come, watch my stardom rise,
I’m exhalted in the worshipping nations’ eyes,
And I’ve gone ego mad, from all my fortune and fame,
I’ll grab the mic and scream, (“WHAT’S MY NAME?!?!”) (And you’ll say,)
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*
*the great*… *Luke, it is your destiny.*
That prophecy you wrote? Well hey it just came true!
Right now my default voice is mine, and it’s sayin’ “Screw you!”
To all the haters, rue! I’ve hit my destiny!
And now you know what put ‘the great’ inside *the great*… *Luke*… *Ski!*


YES! IT IS I! THE GREAT LUKE SKI! THE OUTCAST MUSICAL JESTER OF SCI-FI! EMISSARY OF RAP DEMENTIA! AND THE FUNNIEST MOTHER-FILKER OF ALL TIME!… (music stops, the word “TIME!” echoes a few times…)


…*Once again, I’ve alienated our target demographic.*