MC Freberg Songtext
MC Freberg
A musical sketch in tribute to Stan Freberg, satirizing rap music.
Written by the great Luke Ski
© 2007 Luke Sienkowski
[SOUND BITE: "Life could be a dream, life could be a dreammmm-" DJ scratched]
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: All right, hold it, hold it you guys. This is a mid-80’s rap number, you gotta be careful or somebody’s libel to understand what you’re rapping about. You want that to happen?
RAP ACTS: No.
STAN: Well then you gotta talk unintelligible like me, right Flavor Flav?
FLAVOR: You said it, boyee! Ach ach ach…
STAN: Now I’d like to welcome you all to the newly formed rap division of Obscurity Records. I’ve assembled all you rap acts here today so we can cut a record together and see which of you we’d like to sign on to our label. Now some of you have already released albums, and some of you are newcomers. Just relax and follow my directions, but the main thing is, we gotta jump on this rap thing and capitalize off of it quick as we can. It’s just like that Rock and Roll fad, and you all remember how quickly that went away, right?
[SFX: phone rings, picks up the phone]
STAN: Hello?
[SOUND BITE: "Don’t be a smart ass."]
STAN: Oh, sorry.
[SFX: hangs up phone]
STAN: Over here providing beats for you all on the wheels of steel, we have DJ Billy May.
DJ B-MAY: I’m the beat with the beats, man.
STAN: You may remember him, he did that big hit club remix of "High School Ooh-ooh" by Clyde Ankle. Show ‘em what you got, B.
[SOUND BITE: DJ scratched sample of the Dragnet sting]
(RAP ACTS react positively)
STAN: Wun’erful, wun’erful! Okay, now, you guys wanna sell a few records?
RAP ACTS: Yeah.
STAN: Well, then stick some old rags in your mouth and take it again from the top, okay?
RAP ACTS: Kay!
DJ B-MAY: Point of order, point of order, yo man like, point of order…
STAN: Kay, I don’t want to understand the words now, real mumbly. Uh-
DJ B-MAY: …point of order, point, of order…
STAN: Yes, B-May, you have a point of order?
DJ B-MAY: You want them to mumble through the entire song?
STAN: That’s right.
DJ B-MAY: Wow. So like, what are they supposed to say then, man?
STAN: You know, any mumbley non-sensical thing. Like a hip hop, the hippie the hippie, to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it, to the bang bang boogie, say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat!
DJ B-MAY: Oh, you mean like a bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy?
STAN: Yeah, yeah, like all I wanna do is zoom a zoom a zoom zoom, and a boom shalock lock shake the room! You know, stuff that’s onomotopaeic!
DJ B-MAY: Something with a SLAM! Or a WHOOMP! Or even a… SH-BOOM?
STAN: There it is!
DJ B-MAY: Hit me. So, you’re not even going to let them say one word?
STAN: No.
DJ B-MAY: Not one word?
STAN: No.
DJ B-MAY: Not ONE WORD?!
STAN: (sigh)…If I let them say one word, will you drop it?
DJ B-MAY: Solid.
STAN: Fine. One word, one word… Hmm, Let me go through the mail here, uh, let’s see, uh, junk mail, bill, bill, you may already be the winner, meh… Obscurity Records, that’s us, Brooklyn, New York. Hmm. Brooklyn. Brooklyn! Okay, you guys! Whenever I point at you, you say "Brooklyn", but all the rest is mumbling, ‘kay?
RAP ACTS: ‘Kay.
STAN: Except for Run DMC. Since you guys did that song about Adidas shoes, I’m putting you in charge of product placement, so you gotta speak clearly. That Adidas song was such a great piece of advertising that I would have bought a pair of Adidas myself, if I hadn’t just gotten these new Pumas.
DJ B-MAY: Ooh, are those street Pumas?
STAN: Newer, they’re Pete Pumas.
DJ B-MAY: Pete Pumas?
STAN: Yeah, Pete Pumas. They’re the new hi-tech kind with the air pump instead of laces, see?
[SFX: shoe pump sound effect]
DJ B-MAY: If you wanna make sure they’re on tight, how many pumps do they need?
STAN: A WHOLE LOTTA PUMPS! HEE-HAY-HEE!
DJ B-MAY: Ugh, lousy pun!
STAN: Ahem, excuse me. Anyway, Run DMC, when I give you the cue, you do the product placement, ‘kay?
RUN DMC: ‘Kay.
STAN: All right, let’s get this party started, B-May. Kick it.
(Sh-Boom rap beat & bass line start)
STAN: Nice. Now turn up the bass.
(bass volume increases as Stan keeps asking for it)
STAN: Make the bass louder… Louder… Louder!
DJ B-MAY: I got it at ten, man! You want more than that?
STAN: Yes, take it all the way to thirteen! I wanna hear that bass!
DJ B-MAY: You got it.
[SOUND BITE: "Rumble rumble rumble, mutiny mutiny mutiny"]
STAN: Okay, pull it back to ten. Ten is good enough. Okay, all right, first up, Public Enemy. Chuck D and Flavor Flav, hit it! Let’s go!
FLAVOR: Yeeeaaaahh!!
(beat switches to "Public Enemy")
(CHUCK D. & FLAVOR FLAV rap jibberish Public Enemy style, Brooklyn mentioned)
CHUCK D.: (during the mumbling, he suddenly says:) Respect yourself!
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: All right I distinctly understood a word that time. Let’s watch it ‘eh?
CHUCK D.: Sorry.
STAN: You know the rules, I got my eye on ya that’s all. Here we go, it’s Biz Markie’s turn, real monotonous now!
(beat switches to Biz Markie)
(BIZ MARKIE raps jibberish, sneaks in an "Oh, snap!", Brooklyn mentioned)
FLAVOR: Yo, that story was like theatre of the mind, boyee! It was just wild enough, Biz! Just wild enough! Ach ach ach!
STAN: All right, knock off that jazz, huh Flavor? Very good, Biz, nice and diabolical. Next up we have some nice clean cut looking boys here, the 2 Live Crew! Come on and move somethin’, let’s go!
(beat switches to 2 Live Crew)
(2 LIVE CREW raps jibberish, as [SFX: Tweedly’s buzzer] sounds repeatedly, as if to cover up many swear words, Brooklyn mentioned)
2 L.CREW: (during the buzzing, he suddenly says:) Boysenberry pie!
STAN: Somehow, I’m really glad I couldn’t understand any of that. Okay, next we have Old Dirty Bastard.
[SFX: Tweedly’s buzzer sounds]
STAN: ELDERLY Dirty Bastard. Is he here?
FLAVOR: He’s passed out on the floor, G.
STAN: All right, never mind then, moving on, uh, it’s time to get the Beastie Boys! Kick it!
(beat switches to the Beastie Boys)
(THE BEASTIE BOYS rap jibberish, all three mention Brooklyn)
STAN: All right! Now, cue the product placement, Run DMC!
(beat switches to Run DMC)
RUN DMC: We’re down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
STAN: Perfect! Okay, now it’s Cypress Hill. Hey B. Real, let’s go go go!
(beat switches to Cypress Hill)
(CYPRESS HILL (B REAL) raps jibberish, Brooklyn mentioned)
FLAVOR: Yo! I get it! Pete Pumas! A whole lotta pumps! Ach ach ach!
STAN: Look, laughing boy, you wanna try and control yourself?
FLAVOR: I just figured out that joke, G!
(beat stops)
DJ B-MAY: What a drag.
STAN: What’s the matter?
DJ B-MAY: Flavor Flav’s voice, man. It’s too piercing.
STAN: Too piercing? Do you have sensitive ears?
DJ B-MAY: No, he’s just annoying, man! Would he mind leaving the room?
STAN: Hmm, I know. Hey Flavor? There’s some people from that new Cable Channel, Video-Hits-One, out in the lobby. They want to talk to you about giving you your own TV show.
FLAVOR: I’m all about that, you know what I’m sayin’, G?
[SFX: we hear Flavor walk to the door and go through it]
FLAVOR: (from behind the door:) Yeah boyee!… There’s no one out here, man.
[SFX: we hear Flavor trying to open the locked door]
FLAVOR: (from behind the door:) Yo, I locked myself out, G!
DJ B-MAY: Crazy.
STAN: All right, back to the track. Next up is Snoopy Doggy Dogg, so step out of that cloud of smoke and get on the mic, you’re up!
(beat switches to Snoop Doggy Dogg)
(SNOOP DOGGY DOGG raps jibberish, mentions ‘Brizzooklyn’, and the LBC)
STAN: I’m hip!
SNOOP: Yea-eah!
STAN: All right, up next, speaking of onomatopoeia, let’s have come ‘Crunk’ from Lil Jon!
(beat switches to Lil Jon)
(LIL JON raps jibberish, mentions Brooklyn)
STAN: That’s good, that’s good, that’s close enough for crunk. Up next, we have Busta Rhymes. Has anyone seen Busta Rhymes? Is he here?
BUSTA: WOOOOOOOOO-HAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
(STAN & DJ B-MAY make startled reaction sounds)
BUSTA: Don’t let me startle you, I’m just doing a little ‘woo-hah’ here to kinda kick things off, know what I mean?
DJ B-MAY: Man, will you get out my lap?
STAN: Sorry. You scared me, Busta, don’t do that.
DJ B-MAY: You bent my record needles, man.
STAN: All right, let’s just get going. Busta, gimmie some more mumbling.
(beat switches to Busta Rhymes)
(BUSTA RHYMES raps jibberish, mentions Brooklyn, at one point slips in "John John John, Marsha Marsha Marsha.")
BUSTA: (during the mumbling, he suddenly says:) FLIPMODE!
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: Okay smart alec, I know your type. You’re a troublemaker. We’re rapping "Sh-boom", right?
BUSTA: Right.
STAN: Then how come I can understand you?
BUSTA: Well you see, if I’m gonna be the greatest myself, I gotta switch it on ‘em. Flipmode! Flipmode is the greatest!
STAN: What’s a matter man, don’t you dig gibberish?
BUSTA: Well, sure but…
STAN: …Happens again, I’ll take you out back and stomp a mud hole in your ass!
(beat switches to Sh-Boom beat & bassline)
STAN: Okay you guys, big finish now, eh? On your mark, get set, mu-
[SFX: Window crash]
FLAVOR: I bust’ through the window! Ahh ach ach ach! Yo’ man! Buff Love, lay some of that beat box on me man!
(FAT BOYS’ BUFF LOVE starts Human Beat Boxing, Flavor Flav starts col’ lampin’)
FLAVOR: Flavor Flav is back upon the scene, tellin y’all to turn off the bubble machine! No digital watch, around my neck, I’m clockin’ G, it’s leftover from the previous technology! Parenthesis, see "Col’ Lampin’" close parenthesis! Y’all ain’t never heard rap dementia like this! I got my body jerkin’, the FuMP is workin’,-
(Flavor’s lampin’ combined with Buff Love’s Human Beat Boxing, makes Stan snap)
STAN: Flavor! Flavor! FLAVOR! FLAVOR!! FLAVOR!!! FLAAAA-VOOOR!!!! Stop it! Stop it, I say! Stop it! That does it! I’m getting outta here!
[SFX: Door slams, all other audio stops]
STAN: He ruined the ending! One of the loveliest parts of the whole -
[SFX: Door opens]
(Loud FAT BOYS Human Beat Box sting for one measure)
[SFX: Door slams]
DJ B-MAY: Peace!
[SOUND BITE: "The whole pie-ece" – DJ scratches during the "piece"]
FLAVOR: Yeeeeeah boyeeeee!!!
A musical sketch in tribute to Stan Freberg, satirizing rap music.
Written by the great Luke Ski
© 2007 Luke Sienkowski
[SOUND BITE: "Life could be a dream, life could be a dreammmm-" DJ scratched]
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: All right, hold it, hold it you guys. This is a mid-80’s rap number, you gotta be careful or somebody’s libel to understand what you’re rapping about. You want that to happen?
RAP ACTS: No.
STAN: Well then you gotta talk unintelligible like me, right Flavor Flav?
FLAVOR: You said it, boyee! Ach ach ach…
STAN: Now I’d like to welcome you all to the newly formed rap division of Obscurity Records. I’ve assembled all you rap acts here today so we can cut a record together and see which of you we’d like to sign on to our label. Now some of you have already released albums, and some of you are newcomers. Just relax and follow my directions, but the main thing is, we gotta jump on this rap thing and capitalize off of it quick as we can. It’s just like that Rock and Roll fad, and you all remember how quickly that went away, right?
[SFX: phone rings, picks up the phone]
STAN: Hello?
[SOUND BITE: "Don’t be a smart ass."]
STAN: Oh, sorry.
[SFX: hangs up phone]
STAN: Over here providing beats for you all on the wheels of steel, we have DJ Billy May.
DJ B-MAY: I’m the beat with the beats, man.
STAN: You may remember him, he did that big hit club remix of "High School Ooh-ooh" by Clyde Ankle. Show ‘em what you got, B.
[SOUND BITE: DJ scratched sample of the Dragnet sting]
(RAP ACTS react positively)
STAN: Wun’erful, wun’erful! Okay, now, you guys wanna sell a few records?
RAP ACTS: Yeah.
STAN: Well, then stick some old rags in your mouth and take it again from the top, okay?
RAP ACTS: Kay!
DJ B-MAY: Point of order, point of order, yo man like, point of order…
STAN: Kay, I don’t want to understand the words now, real mumbly. Uh-
DJ B-MAY: …point of order, point, of order…
STAN: Yes, B-May, you have a point of order?
DJ B-MAY: You want them to mumble through the entire song?
STAN: That’s right.
DJ B-MAY: Wow. So like, what are they supposed to say then, man?
STAN: You know, any mumbley non-sensical thing. Like a hip hop, the hippie the hippie, to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it, to the bang bang boogie, say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat!
DJ B-MAY: Oh, you mean like a bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy?
STAN: Yeah, yeah, like all I wanna do is zoom a zoom a zoom zoom, and a boom shalock lock shake the room! You know, stuff that’s onomotopaeic!
DJ B-MAY: Something with a SLAM! Or a WHOOMP! Or even a… SH-BOOM?
STAN: There it is!
DJ B-MAY: Hit me. So, you’re not even going to let them say one word?
STAN: No.
DJ B-MAY: Not one word?
STAN: No.
DJ B-MAY: Not ONE WORD?!
STAN: (sigh)…If I let them say one word, will you drop it?
DJ B-MAY: Solid.
STAN: Fine. One word, one word… Hmm, Let me go through the mail here, uh, let’s see, uh, junk mail, bill, bill, you may already be the winner, meh… Obscurity Records, that’s us, Brooklyn, New York. Hmm. Brooklyn. Brooklyn! Okay, you guys! Whenever I point at you, you say "Brooklyn", but all the rest is mumbling, ‘kay?
RAP ACTS: ‘Kay.
STAN: Except for Run DMC. Since you guys did that song about Adidas shoes, I’m putting you in charge of product placement, so you gotta speak clearly. That Adidas song was such a great piece of advertising that I would have bought a pair of Adidas myself, if I hadn’t just gotten these new Pumas.
DJ B-MAY: Ooh, are those street Pumas?
STAN: Newer, they’re Pete Pumas.
DJ B-MAY: Pete Pumas?
STAN: Yeah, Pete Pumas. They’re the new hi-tech kind with the air pump instead of laces, see?
[SFX: shoe pump sound effect]
DJ B-MAY: If you wanna make sure they’re on tight, how many pumps do they need?
STAN: A WHOLE LOTTA PUMPS! HEE-HAY-HEE!
DJ B-MAY: Ugh, lousy pun!
STAN: Ahem, excuse me. Anyway, Run DMC, when I give you the cue, you do the product placement, ‘kay?
RUN DMC: ‘Kay.
STAN: All right, let’s get this party started, B-May. Kick it.
(Sh-Boom rap beat & bass line start)
STAN: Nice. Now turn up the bass.
(bass volume increases as Stan keeps asking for it)
STAN: Make the bass louder… Louder… Louder!
DJ B-MAY: I got it at ten, man! You want more than that?
STAN: Yes, take it all the way to thirteen! I wanna hear that bass!
DJ B-MAY: You got it.
[SOUND BITE: "Rumble rumble rumble, mutiny mutiny mutiny"]
STAN: Okay, pull it back to ten. Ten is good enough. Okay, all right, first up, Public Enemy. Chuck D and Flavor Flav, hit it! Let’s go!
FLAVOR: Yeeeaaaahh!!
(beat switches to "Public Enemy")
(CHUCK D. & FLAVOR FLAV rap jibberish Public Enemy style, Brooklyn mentioned)
CHUCK D.: (during the mumbling, he suddenly says:) Respect yourself!
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: All right I distinctly understood a word that time. Let’s watch it ‘eh?
CHUCK D.: Sorry.
STAN: You know the rules, I got my eye on ya that’s all. Here we go, it’s Biz Markie’s turn, real monotonous now!
(beat switches to Biz Markie)
(BIZ MARKIE raps jibberish, sneaks in an "Oh, snap!", Brooklyn mentioned)
FLAVOR: Yo, that story was like theatre of the mind, boyee! It was just wild enough, Biz! Just wild enough! Ach ach ach!
STAN: All right, knock off that jazz, huh Flavor? Very good, Biz, nice and diabolical. Next up we have some nice clean cut looking boys here, the 2 Live Crew! Come on and move somethin’, let’s go!
(beat switches to 2 Live Crew)
(2 LIVE CREW raps jibberish, as [SFX: Tweedly’s buzzer] sounds repeatedly, as if to cover up many swear words, Brooklyn mentioned)
2 L.CREW: (during the buzzing, he suddenly says:) Boysenberry pie!
STAN: Somehow, I’m really glad I couldn’t understand any of that. Okay, next we have Old Dirty Bastard.
[SFX: Tweedly’s buzzer sounds]
STAN: ELDERLY Dirty Bastard. Is he here?
FLAVOR: He’s passed out on the floor, G.
STAN: All right, never mind then, moving on, uh, it’s time to get the Beastie Boys! Kick it!
(beat switches to the Beastie Boys)
(THE BEASTIE BOYS rap jibberish, all three mention Brooklyn)
STAN: All right! Now, cue the product placement, Run DMC!
(beat switches to Run DMC)
RUN DMC: We’re down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
RUN DMC: Down with Chun King! STAN: Noodles.
STAN: Perfect! Okay, now it’s Cypress Hill. Hey B. Real, let’s go go go!
(beat switches to Cypress Hill)
(CYPRESS HILL (B REAL) raps jibberish, Brooklyn mentioned)
FLAVOR: Yo! I get it! Pete Pumas! A whole lotta pumps! Ach ach ach!
STAN: Look, laughing boy, you wanna try and control yourself?
FLAVOR: I just figured out that joke, G!
(beat stops)
DJ B-MAY: What a drag.
STAN: What’s the matter?
DJ B-MAY: Flavor Flav’s voice, man. It’s too piercing.
STAN: Too piercing? Do you have sensitive ears?
DJ B-MAY: No, he’s just annoying, man! Would he mind leaving the room?
STAN: Hmm, I know. Hey Flavor? There’s some people from that new Cable Channel, Video-Hits-One, out in the lobby. They want to talk to you about giving you your own TV show.
FLAVOR: I’m all about that, you know what I’m sayin’, G?
[SFX: we hear Flavor walk to the door and go through it]
FLAVOR: (from behind the door:) Yeah boyee!… There’s no one out here, man.
[SFX: we hear Flavor trying to open the locked door]
FLAVOR: (from behind the door:) Yo, I locked myself out, G!
DJ B-MAY: Crazy.
STAN: All right, back to the track. Next up is Snoopy Doggy Dogg, so step out of that cloud of smoke and get on the mic, you’re up!
(beat switches to Snoop Doggy Dogg)
(SNOOP DOGGY DOGG raps jibberish, mentions ‘Brizzooklyn’, and the LBC)
STAN: I’m hip!
SNOOP: Yea-eah!
STAN: All right, up next, speaking of onomatopoeia, let’s have come ‘Crunk’ from Lil Jon!
(beat switches to Lil Jon)
(LIL JON raps jibberish, mentions Brooklyn)
STAN: That’s good, that’s good, that’s close enough for crunk. Up next, we have Busta Rhymes. Has anyone seen Busta Rhymes? Is he here?
BUSTA: WOOOOOOOOO-HAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
(STAN & DJ B-MAY make startled reaction sounds)
BUSTA: Don’t let me startle you, I’m just doing a little ‘woo-hah’ here to kinda kick things off, know what I mean?
DJ B-MAY: Man, will you get out my lap?
STAN: Sorry. You scared me, Busta, don’t do that.
DJ B-MAY: You bent my record needles, man.
STAN: All right, let’s just get going. Busta, gimmie some more mumbling.
(beat switches to Busta Rhymes)
(BUSTA RHYMES raps jibberish, mentions Brooklyn, at one point slips in "John John John, Marsha Marsha Marsha.")
BUSTA: (during the mumbling, he suddenly says:) FLIPMODE!
[SFX: Stan blows his whistle]
STAN: Okay smart alec, I know your type. You’re a troublemaker. We’re rapping "Sh-boom", right?
BUSTA: Right.
STAN: Then how come I can understand you?
BUSTA: Well you see, if I’m gonna be the greatest myself, I gotta switch it on ‘em. Flipmode! Flipmode is the greatest!
STAN: What’s a matter man, don’t you dig gibberish?
BUSTA: Well, sure but…
STAN: …Happens again, I’ll take you out back and stomp a mud hole in your ass!
(beat switches to Sh-Boom beat & bassline)
STAN: Okay you guys, big finish now, eh? On your mark, get set, mu-
[SFX: Window crash]
FLAVOR: I bust’ through the window! Ahh ach ach ach! Yo’ man! Buff Love, lay some of that beat box on me man!
(FAT BOYS’ BUFF LOVE starts Human Beat Boxing, Flavor Flav starts col’ lampin’)
FLAVOR: Flavor Flav is back upon the scene, tellin y’all to turn off the bubble machine! No digital watch, around my neck, I’m clockin’ G, it’s leftover from the previous technology! Parenthesis, see "Col’ Lampin’" close parenthesis! Y’all ain’t never heard rap dementia like this! I got my body jerkin’, the FuMP is workin’,-
(Flavor’s lampin’ combined with Buff Love’s Human Beat Boxing, makes Stan snap)
STAN: Flavor! Flavor! FLAVOR! FLAVOR!! FLAVOR!!! FLAAAA-VOOOR!!!! Stop it! Stop it, I say! Stop it! That does it! I’m getting outta here!
[SFX: Door slams, all other audio stops]
STAN: He ruined the ending! One of the loveliest parts of the whole -
[SFX: Door opens]
(Loud FAT BOYS Human Beat Box sting for one measure)
[SFX: Door slams]
DJ B-MAY: Peace!
[SOUND BITE: "The whole pie-ece" – DJ scratches during the "piece"]
FLAVOR: Yeeeeeah boyeeeee!!!
MC Freberg Video
