Black Friday

Big thanksgiving dinner, after quite the feast,
Watch a little football, and some home movies.
Bedtime comes for families, every Mom and Pop.
Alarm goes off at four a.m., because it's time to shop.

Winter coats and wool hats, just in case there's snow.
O'er the river and through the woods, to Wal-Mart we go.
Soon we'll be invading, busting down the door,
Led by all the hardcores who camped out the night before.

Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
Oh, what a joyous day!
When our consumer culture comes together, come what may.
Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
It brings us so much cheer
To help our nation's stores who have been in the red all year.

Mom: Excuse me, do you have any more of the exclusive Iron Man vs. Dora The Explorer playsets?
Employee: (sighs) Whatever's out on the shelves is all we have.
Mom: You're lying! Grab his legs!
Employee: What the?! Aaah!

New Nintendo System, just a hundred bucks,
So who cares if Grannies will get trampled in the rush?
Survival of the fittest, at the shopping mall.
Let there be peace on earth, and-
Shopper One: Get your hands off that Elmo doll! It's mine!
Shopper Two: F*** you!

Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
Sings forth the local news,
Because your love is measured by the items that you choose.
Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
At Toys 'R Us it's keen.
They never call it Black Friday,
'Round there, they call it green!

Shopper Two: Give me that half price TiVo or I'll rip your f***ing spleen out!
Shopper One: Hey relax! What are we all so worked up over anyway?
Shopper Two: How am I supposed to know?! Jesus Christ!!!