Starting Again Again

i've spent the past few months on pause
don't be alarmed, it's nothing more than something wrong
this nosey lady asked me why i failed
i said, actually, i never failed
i said lady, listen to me
don't pretend to get it, don't act like you see
don't pretend to understand, i know you don't
and don't tell me you'll help me, i know you won't
i said mom, i am sick of this
i'm tired of the lying, failing, crying shit
i am tired of the friends i have in my head
and i am tired of the way i use my bed
i said sir, you are a coward. i hate you
i'm tired of these walls, ill put my foot through
you're but a boy, a cheating coward and a liar
and i am tired of the obedience you buy her
when i close my eyes the world is lovely
until i remember she doesn't love me
and i when close my eyes the world is peaceful
but i dont sleep enough to escape this deep hole

and i'm tired
i am tired
i am tired
i am tired
and i'm starting again