I'm Still A Loner, Dottie

The casual walker-by below our yellow windowpanes
Must look up through the city lights and feel the same
As we wonder why in our beds above the darkening streets
"With some sense of shared human secrecy"
Mostly crazed by thoughts of paint peeling at the seams
As the tiles on my shower wall crack at the base
Retracing every anxious line
Reflecting how they fell apart
I never want to come undone or unravel jealous in the wind

And I'll say it again
I'm not afraid to die
Just scared to live alone with you
Drunk in the morning
I woke to Dragon's breath and summer tugging at my sheets to pull me out of bed
Drunk in the night
I swear I saw a raven grow black as your hair
Out of your thoughts, into the sky and through the outer holds
One year ago I watched dance across a wedding floor
In a bridesmaids dress that fell to pieces at your feet
Could you not see?
So many thoughts came unsummoned to me then
Unuttered on the car ride home
Before you left for the new world in shades of blue
I woke yesterday to no one lying by my side
Just empty pictures frames and broken dresser drawers
Where did you go?
I've try to hold my hatred in composure
But your dress will not stop slipping
And your words are ripping through my simple mind

And I'll say it again
I'm not afraid to die
Just scared to live alone with you

We're more than young-fucked-in-the-morning-sun
By some drunker-than-New-Years-Eve-Holy-seraphim-on-Haight-Street
Coffee shop poetics on love and drugs and War and Peace
I can't believe what they say to me
I can't believe what they did to you