in the hours before you

the worse came true
in the hours before you.
the words i sang,
circling the drain.
a parachute leaks beneath the sea.
you were beautiful,
but it wasn't safe in/saving? me.

don't tell yourself
it's something you can't help.
don't tell yourself
it's something you can't help.

i rode the plane back to napa state
and my mother cried
and blew smoke in my eyes.
we sat and talked
on chairs in the garage.
she told me, "son,
you'll be dead when this is done
if you tell yourself it's something you can't help,
tell yourself it's something you can't help."

my heart beat was stalling
circling the hospital that night,
too afraid to stop walking,
the sidewalks went on till daylight.

don't tell yourself it's something you can't help,
tell yourself it's something you can't help.
don't tell yourself it's something you can't help.
don't tell yourself it's something you can't help.