Inappropriate Love Analogies

I've been kidnapped by the pirates of love and, baby, this time the ransom is you
I want to be closer to you, girl, than some form of parasitic worm
My love for you girl, will last much longer than the life of this puppy I just bought
It'll even outlast the radiation at Chernobyl
The cancer of your beauty has metastasized its way to my heart
And the chemo of bitter words won't kill it
If you told me to leave you, my heart would drop lower than the ThAC0 of a high level fighter in D&D
Cause you are my sputnik, spurning the politicians of America against the red menace
I'd welcome the immune problems that we'd both be sure to get
If we sewed our veins together so we could share more than words
Even if a kill-bot commanded me too, I wouldn't consume your sweet flesh
To gain the energy needed to work in the Lunar Trilithium mines


You are so sweet to me, girl, I think I have adult diabetes
and your love's the insulin I need to balance out my blood-sugar levels
If Cannibals had us, Id tell them to eat my heart first, so they'd be filled with love for you
Id you wanted I'd destroy an endangered species for you
Even if you didn't say so, I could tell by the look in your eyes
If zombies surrounded us and I joined their undead legion
Id try not to attack you but I inevitably would, cause Im so hungry for brains
What I'm trying to say, is that I love you