Audiences With The Lord

your lordship, allow me to introduce myself
i'm the carpenter you got to produce this shelf
we'd done business before: i constructed this floor
and i coulda swore that you said you was gonna pay me more
i mean no disrespect but i'm here to collect
what i feel is correct you see i must protect
the good name of my work and its fame
and i came here today so that you may take away this shame

aight,i hear your plea, runnin' that old "woe is me"
plain to see but you freeloaders won't get sympathy from me
all you bourgeoisie, what you want next? a big marquee?
no siree, i should put down my green tea and banish thee!
but not today, since i'm so kind, or so they say
i'll just take back your pay, now don't dismay, just obey
now guards take this ungrateful fool away without delay
and bring in the next stray, he better have something good to say

son, i run this bitch, second to none and filthy rich
forget the emperor, i'm the lord
rule this land with an iron sword
conquer more when i get bored
feared by all with my samurai guard
yet i'm adored in high regard,
at least by those looking for a reward
never clown, hold the crown in these towns
cats be bowin' down to the world renowned baddest mutha 'round
when peoples see me they just stare in awe
think i ain't above the law? hahaha hahahahaha

your lordship, let me first state
that i think you're cool, and i think you're great
and by the way, did you lose some weight?
at any rate, hope you don't get irate
but i'm on my knees and i'm begging to you, so won't you please
go easy on us when you obtain
your share of our meat and wheat and grain
no i ain't complainin', let me explain
there was a drought this season, we got no rain
attainin' the crops we got was a pain
and just maintainin' them drove us all insane
so please just take what you need don't exceed
the degree of your mildest greed 'cuz man i got me kids to feed

dawg, you breakin' my heart
but, let me see, where should i start
just who the hell do you think you is
testin' my integrity like a quiz
selfish hick, you make me sick
i bet you thought you was pretty slick
what you expect my army to eat
if we don't take replete your meat and wheat
think you're pretty funny
just buy some food, or do you not got money?
tell you what, sell me your nieces proper
and maybe i'll give you ten pieces copper
i could always use another girl or two
and maybe when i'm through
i'll give 'em to the troops for something fun to do