Do You Feel Real

I thought I'd silenced you
But here you are again
Welcoming my anxiety
I wanted to throw you out
Since you decayed
I remained imprisoned
I thought I'd [?] from you though you had escaped from me
Maybe I'm too scared to forget you
I just can't remember how it feels like to function without--
Absorbed in total free fall
It's a waste of time
It's not that serious
And then, guilt consumes you in your yoga class
And your teacher convinces you
You have to come back more often to solve these issues
Right?
I look around and realize I am the prop
Am I put into this world solely to admire?