Ill Credit

"Credit Crunch" sounds like we made that name up for kids
To explain to them this where Father Christmas is
"I'm sorry, Timmy, but Santa couldn't come this year
Dr. Credit Crunch has trapped him up in Castle Fear"

"Billy Santa has been eaten by the Credit Cruncher
So you'll have to keep your old bike, I'll just repair the puncture"
Although I guess those fairy tales are really for the grown ups
So no one has to take the blame and no one has to own up

See as a nation we went and tried to live above our means
Had spending sprees and who was there accommodating these?
Over employed, over ambitious little companies
So now we'll suffer some unemployment and redundancies

And there ain't a solution,
Just a choice between some different evils
A choice to be made by those publicly elected people
Who will always make the wrong choice in someone's eyes?
But then I'm sure it can be sweetened with some tasteful lies

We either borrow more cash to keep our people spending
Stop the panic and stop the whole economy descending
Whilst still maintaining restraints on public lending
Although whether that'll work is still simply atheory pending

But it's either that or simply take away public resources
And start to charge for services already so exhausted
Americanize and risk the financial demise that Bush did
Which is certainly the rockier of both treacherous courses

But then I guess the answer probably won't be found inside
Some lyrics written by some lanky bearded guy
And now I must declare to those that have managed to listen
This is easily the most depressing verse I'veever written


I devastate
Nobody's getting off easy
Dominate
I'm on your mind and on the TV
Gimme the money and all
A pound of flesh and the checkbook
I dominate
Like a December-weather check-hook

Gimme what I can't afford
I'll borrow just a little more
I'll write my own reference
The banks are only glad to lend
They wouldn't if they shouldn't
But they do so I'll just go and spend
What's a subprime?
Why's it sound so threatening?

Everybody's chewing on the credit crunch
But I don't really get it, from what I read in The Sun
It said that now we own the banks, and that the bankers are punks
And, oh! That dude from X Factor with the bucktooth won!

Apparently we've been too materialistic
Things are gonna change, we're now all so-shall-is-tic?
Woolworths shut down!
Where will I go to shoplift liquorice?
Stop, listen, will this effect the cost of getting pissed?

If it does I'll just watch TV
It's not the source of our problems,
It's the cure and will stop them
You'll see home improvement, location speculation, take a loan, buy ahome, do it up and sell it on

Like it's a failsafe craze is sweeping the nation
Maybe I'll watch who wants to be a millionaire, no
How's about I've got low credit, please get me out of here
So I go for a stroll and some fresh air
Not think about shopping, but oh, a stocking, right, X-Mas is here

Bright lights inviting me to buy nice bits I'll hold dear
I mean for those I hold dear, that looks nice, oh dear
I don't open final notice envelopes no more for fear
Of what they'll say, but what the hey, I deserve some winter cheer
When the barcode bleeps and I hear “Enter PIN Here”
My head lights up with the foresight of a blinded deer
When the barcode bleeps and I hear “Enter PIN Here"
My head lights up with the sight of a blinded deer

Bankers been trading our debts
At ratings that were too inflated
And it's shameless
'Cause we knew I would never make those repayments
But pointing the finger's pointless

Homeowners or city bonus
We were in the same sinking boat just gorging on oysters
Now the pearls turned gritty just sit back and enjoy it
We're losing jobs but now we're watching our costsrenewables are taking off

There's a left wing again

And thanks to the crunch, we've even got a black president


I devastate
Nobody's getting offeasy
Dominate
I'm on your mind and on the TV
Gimme the money and all
A pound of flesh and the checkbook
I dominate
Like a December-weather check-hook