Love/Hate Letter To Alcohol

I woke up on the ground
I guess I shoulda kept that shit to myself
Turns out, I'm pretty good at runnin' my mouth
But not good enough
You know, when I go in, it's lights out
I couldn't hear a thing 'cause the song was too loud
Last night I had 32 teeth in my mouth
Some went away

Why'd you have to go and fucking ruin my day?

You're the reason why I got my ass kicked
But you're the only way to drown my sadness
This is my love/hate letter out to alcohol
You're the reason why I got my ass kicked

I was laid out flat, like a centerfold
Jakey and his partner drove me home
Lookin' in a mirror, somethin's wrong
Let me get my dentist on the phone
Found my keys, then I went back out
Someone asked me how it all went down
I remember like it's yesterday

I took a shot, took a shot, took a shot, took another shot
Fell right out my fuckin' chair, swingin' for his eye
Then a big, chrome ring flew in from the side
I thought I died

Why'd you have to go and fucking ruin my night?

You're the reason why I got my ass kicked
But you're the only way to drown my sadness
This is my love/hate letter out to alcohol
You're the reason why I got my ass kicked