I Never Deserve The Things I Need

I want to live by the ocean
At least near water of some kind
To keep me cool in the warmer months
When winter hits, providing something solid in my life
I'm not breaking any ice
Thin limbs are reaching out too far
They won't be getting any better
A bitter man's mind
Equipped with
Childlike arms

These branches are retracting
Curling in on me
Holding on as long as possible to every leaf
Pleading with the earth and sun
Until I fall, they'll all stay safe
In my shade's reach

But they're blowing away
The colorful parts of me
The purpose I serve
Piece by piece
Falling off of me

A cleansing, by fire
Burnt down in private
No one can ever see
I never, I never deserve the things I need

I sought the role of an open book
Lent too many times
Thrown in bags, floorboards of cars
Critiqued by too many minds
Highlighted and dog-eared
To no convenience of mine

A cleansing, by fire
Burnt down in private
No one can ever see
I never, I never deserve the things I need

As much as it pains me
I need you to know You're what I carry with me
Every time I go
Despite every nightmare
Clawing at my soul
I count it a privilege
Just to watch you grow

No rest for the strong
If that's how you're perceived
Too close, too close
You're too close to me
It's what I craved and cried for
I never deserve the things I need
I want to live by the ocean
At least near water of some kind