A Lazarus Envy

last night i realized
my excitement for
events that were
not yet my life.
upon return,
it's all in the past,
it's all a memory.
all my life is,
is this moment,
and what i can remember.
what i cannot see,
does not exist,
and to think i
would have mourned.
i fell in love with life.
what i cannot see
does not exist.
all my life is memories.
to last night?
we're shells.
we're nothings.