Doghouse

I came home from the bar
Barney diving my old car
It must have been about half past four
Well a wife is a great thing
When she's not out waiting
In a bathrobe on your front porch

I says honey I'm home
So you're not alone
In this world of ours anymore
She said I was real sweet
But she'd rather meet
A man who didn't walk on all fours

Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
Till the dog starts smelling like me
Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
‘til that bitch upstairs sets me free

Well the judge and the jury
Said I was guilty
But that ain’t the way that I feel
My lawyer was drinking
So now I'm a thinking
Gonna have that ruling appealed

Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
My birthday will be seven times a year
Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
That milkman, postman, canvassing politician
Be afraid to come round here

Well now husbands
If you like your drinking
But your wife don't like your drinking
Get a new wife
And wives
If you like your drinking
And your husband don’t like your drinking
Get a new husband
And maybe by the time
You’re all divorced and separated
You'll all be alcoholics
And the doghouse
Will be for the dog
If you got custody that is
Now don't, don't go telling my wife
I said this
Cause she hates me giving advice to strangers
She hates me giving advice to anyone really
She says I don't know shit
But I know this much

Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
My shit will be under the shrubs
Gonna be in the doghouse so long so long
Until my wife gets herself horribly drunk