Just Like Me

I heard you found your happiness with a true Cro-Magnon man. A savage hero from a harsh Jurassic land. Well, he's a slope-browed, slackjawed dumbfuck neanderthal, but I hear he thinks about you when he can. I hope he drags you all around by your pretty hair. I hope he slays you like a wooly beast. I hope he makes a fire beneath your little seat so you'll know just how to feel the burning heat- just like me. I heard you found your happiness with the leader of a band. I just keep hearing that you've become his biggest fan. Well, he's an unwashed, unshorn, tone-deaf fashion whore, but I hear he hits the high ones when he can. I hope he writes a song for you. I hope it's better than this one! I hope it's better than anything I've ever done- just so you'll cry when he says it's all in fun. Just like me. I heard you found your happiness with one hell of a guy. I heard he's so much better that I shouldn't even try. Well, he's an honest guy, he's tried and true, but he'll never love you as much as I do! So I guess I'll keep on singing my blues. I hope you're happy there together. I hope it lasts almost forever! But just before the final day, I hope you wake up once and say, I hate him. I HATE HIM! Just like me