Lately

Lately I wouldn't say that I've been down
but I've been spending most (of)
my time (taking) long walks alone
trying to just think clearly.
Because I feel trapped inside of apartment walls,
it's still true when I tell you I'm doing fine.

I used to think that knowing a lot of people
meant I'd always feel at home.
Instead, I just feel pulled
in a thousand different directions
until it's easier, easier to be alone.

And everyone's heard that quote that begins
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Girls at my high school really liked that one,
if yearbook write-ups can be taken as an idea of
what a person likes.
It's poetry, that's for sure.
It's also bullshit.
Your deepest fear
comes when you sit down to create something great,
and can't do it.

Inadequacy actualized. It comes
when you realize that maybe you AREN'T that smart.
That even if you do apply yourself,
things still might not work out.
It comes when you try to do the things you tell yourself you love,
but you just can't do them as well as someone else,
or as well as they deserve to be done.