Situation Comedy Blues

What's a laugh?
The sound of common sense falling apart
What's common-sense?
A million unthinking hearts
At the end of the working day
& who am I?
Call me the barman standing waiting for the workers
To drink their work away

I'm the man who serves the laughter
To the drunkards of disaster
After they've got plastered on the news
& I've got the situation comedy blues

What's the situation?
This man has been abandoned by his woman
What's the reason?
He's lost his sense of humor
This man is sober
& so he's gone to bed with another writer's scripts
& his wife has had to move in with her mother

& the man who serves the laughter
To the drunkards of disaster
After they've got plastered on the news
(You fed him laughter)
Has got the situation comedy blues

He's been devising a new series
Where the first man to appear is Pakistani
& the second is a queer
Who rings the bell in tights & biker's gear
& he tells them that he's sorry to disturb them
But the sari that the wife had on today was out of sight
& could he maybe borrow it tonight?

& the man who serves the laughter
To the drunkards of disaster
After they've got plastered on the news
(He's dying of laughter)
Has got the situation comedy blues

So the Paki asks the Queen in to his brilliantly-lit kitchen
Where he demonstrates his do-it-yourself tools
He's the type who doesn't gladly suffer fools
But he electrocutes his finger in his biggest Black & Decker
When his wife appears in towel & rubber hat
& the bath she's running floods the neighbor's flat

& the man who serves the laughter
To the drunkards of disaster
After they've got plastered on the news
(This man is sober)
Yeah, the man who serves the laughter
To the workaholics after
They've got well & truly plastered on the news
Takes a break for the booze

So I've been sitting here unhappily
Trying to write this comedy
When I hear a sudden laugh in the next room
Thinking it's my woman who's come home
I call her name expectantly
I'm glad that she's come back to me
I throw away my trivializing pen
& then the television laughs again

& the man who serves the laughter
To the drunkards of disaster
After they've got plastered on the news
(This man is falling apart)
Yeah, the man who serves the laughter
To the workaholics after
They've got drunk on the disasters of the news
(This man)
Hits the booze

Okay, let's have a big laugh
Then just a ripple
Hit the button
Applause
& cue commercial break

Marie, come back to me
Marie, come back to me
Marie, come back to me
Marie, come back to me