Funereal

terrible changes lie
pressed against my eyes
exasperated, i awake in panic

29 years into
a life that feels so cold
so hideous to behold
and oh, i worry

good life, you have failed me
i have tried so hard to just cope
to eventually compromise

caved in under pillows
i weep:

i've been waiting to shine
it took years off my life
and the price i paid:
i palled eventually

and i can not bear the guilt
and i can't handle desire
i collapse under the urge

so i trench deceit
into a terrible heart
the angel of revenge
hissing at my tired body

"everything will be fine"
has worn off by the time
i suddenly woke at night,
terrified

that's it,
i give up
i bow down under the blackest black
that i know

who will hold my heart
when i fall apart

i've been waiting to drop
i've been craving too much
and this is the worst bed
i've ever slept in