HEADLINE: Jaime, Dead After Emergency Workers Tried To Remove Her From The Couch Where She Had Remained For About Six Years

hey, you got a dead cat in there?
fuck you asshole,
i love the smell of my own rot,
where are my pills?
don't you dare shut off the cable,
i can't miss buffy, i'll call the cops and tell them you beat me,
hey, where'd you go? i'm sorry!
where are my pills? oh please
come back, i'll suck you off