Suit Fugue (Dance Of The A&R Men)

Hi, John it's Mel from Meglaphone

I've been listening to your tape for the 19th time

Oh that's another call - can I call you

Back when I was in a band we used to sound like this

And I loved your songs, they reminded me of myself

You sound like Air Supply meets GWAR

In a good way, Here's my other number

Can you wait for just a sec -

That's another call, I'll get back to you

Have my girl take your information



Hi, John it's Guy from Groan-o-phone

Heard some talk about the band and the way you sing

I really think it's great - can we make a

Deal with me, call me a friend, we'll be a family

You're a talented individual

If you sign here on the dotted line... that's good

And my nephew will be your producer



Yo, John it's Bill from Biddybum

Word is traveling around that you've got some tunes

We will not be outbid -

Radio is in the bag, we own the chart

They will not add your song

Without checking with our promotion staff



Hi, John it's Shep from Shinola

We really should do a lunch

Quite a tape indeed - my secretary flipped

You're a genius



My name is Johnny Virgil

I play this here guitar

I play it for myself



CAN WE SPEAK CANDIDLY?!



Got hands that move like clockwork

A voice that carries far

Got a love for nothing else



LET'S BE SPONTANEOUS!



Hi, Jack it's Al from A&R

You don't really need the band they are in the way

We only wanted you any way

So dump the band, you are the face

You better wise up fast

This is not a game - we're professionals

Did I mention that you won't be out this year

Cannot be helped - go take a vacation

One more thing that you should know

We're all counting on you to be

Our new golden boy



Lots of lives and jobs in the balance



Virgil it's Pete your president

Calling to congratulate you on your fine choice

You must be very proud, so are we

I'm sure your music is terrif although I must admit

I don't listen to much of anything

Did I mention that I used to have a band?

I have to run, been great talking to you



Hi, Joe about publicity

Thought about the photo op with the cripple

No, we need a sharper hook - like a scandal

Maybe you could rape a nun

Or better still a priest

Some androgyny could be interesting



Hi, Jim it's Val from video

Who decided on your hair?

Can we cut it off?

We'd like to see a buzz bin rotation



My name is Johnny Virgil

I play this here guitar...

Ah fuck it



ARE YOU A PRIORITY!



My name is Johnny Virgil

I'm gonna be a star

If this is how it's done



DO YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS?