The Celebutard Chronicles

She's got the biggest tits

He's got the longest dick

And I get to read about it every week



You hear the sucking sound?

It's culture going down

Seaward with the C-word

Submerged in shit with dreams to drown



Baby don't you wanna throw it up now?

Just aim for the bowl and I'll hold back your gown



This is my favorite ad I got on pay-per-view

The vacant bitch in the convertible reminds me of you

I'll watch my fucking mouth the day it gets a date

With Ashlee Simpson or the girls in ads from Tresemme



Is it the taste of vomit or the cocaine?

All the flashing lights or trashy magazines?

One thousand sunken eyes?

The way she shows her thighs?

The million fucking dollars, the jet skis or the guys?



How bout those fucking aspirations?

Aiming for the vacuous end

I wanna need that respiration

I wanna get some press for it



Press it on, press it down

It's already up in my face now

I wanna see my name in lights

And throw up in my purse and die