You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister

You pulled up at the house at half past seven,
In your '69 Impala, shook hands with my father.
And we stopped off at the drug store by the drive-in,
For some Trojans and a six-pack,
Still your eyes kept wandering back to her,
It's always her.
So let's get one thing straightened out here, sir.

If you think you're seeing double,
Let me save you some trouble.
This ain't no two-for-one bargain here, mister.
'Cause I'm much more than just twice shy,
I've had enough two-timing guys,
Who only want me 'cause they want my sister.

My eyes are just as blue as hers, my hair is just as fine,
And the tattoo on her lower back's exactly just like mine.
But if you look beneath the surface,
We're as different as can be,
'Cause there's just one heart that beats for you,
And that heart belongs to me,
And not to her, it's always her,
So let's get one thing straight if I'm your girl.

And if tomorrow you should die,
My sister would not bat an eye.
She doesn't even know your name.
She's going with some other guy.
As long as she is still around,
I'll always have a trace of doubt.
I need to know your love is real, but how?

We're all dressed up, the flowers sure are pretty.
Mother pays her last respects.
I look around, no one suspects,
That it was me who put the Drano in her coffee.
And now that she is underground,
I'll know that you're not hanging 'round,
For her, no, not for her.
And now I'll know your love is true for sure.

It pains my heart to think of her,
A rotting, stinking, maggot-infested,
Bloated, and pus-oozing corpse beneath earth.
You can't imagine just how much I miss her,
But now I know you want me, not my sister.