I Heard Crime Gets You Off

Oscillating fan I took when I ran from the room using King James' book
To defend myself from blows to the head
If I'm gonna get fucked, I at least want my money's worth.

Stumbled half-dead through a mall parking lot
No shoes, no shirt and one bloody sock
Man yelled “freeze!” and I almost stopped,
but I thought it all out and thought it better to not.

Smashed a window for two dollars in change
Left a note on the windshield to lessen their pain
“Sorry, friend. I fucked up your Honda.
Hope you're fully insured, but I got my own problems.”

Rode the bus to your place on 54th Street
Asked a bum for some help with the fire escape
Now I wait in the dark by your door
I hope you love surprises, this one's gonna be great.

I heard crime gets you off.
I heard crime gets you high.