You Always Remember Your First

In spite of
A few short years
Of painting a cross
On my façade
There is nothing
A cheap sense
Of self-appreciation
Can hope to fix

I remember the
First time
When I fed
The starving beast
That lies caged
Between a
Waning sliver of
Compassion and
My only true self

The pleasure of
Watching the monster
Dripping with virgin blood
And shattered humanity
Spew out its
Post-coital cheer
And digested screams
That helplessly try
To tear themselves
From my pet

I am not a
Bastard child of
My own false ways
So I won't forget
The way her sweet flesh
Parted ways
To lovingly take in
The seeds spat from
My malicious Id

Those screams of "no"
Were only lies
Because for a second
After the fact
I was a hero
In your eyes
Tenderly carrying you
Into your grave
This rugged beast
Showed you what
A real man
Could do for you

A tearful smile
On your blank face
Was the first thing
To ever witness
The creature that
Now breathes for me
In a tantric way
Like you once wished
"Anywhere but here"