The Ballad Of The Half Brained Man

Born on a wednesday noon,somewhere in the midlands,they´d mistaken half his brain for the afterbirth and threw it away.Since that day he always needed someone to look after him.his half-hearted mother gave him awayso his halfbrother took carebrought him down againsince he was only running upstairstook off the clothes he´d forgotten to take off,whiped his back when he´d shit in his pantscause he´d forgotten to take them down while sittin on the pot.Another reason for why he never had friends:He was unbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled.On the day his halfbrother died he had to start to growand look after himself,he got a part time job in a libraryand yeah, you know the story, he never finished a book,eventhough he´d started them all.One day, in the pub, after work, having half a pinthe realized for the first timethat there was something missing in his lifefor the first time he was aware of his lonelynesswhat caused a flood of half pintstill he got thrown out and stumbled towards home.From the next day on he was looking for his womanbut of course, none of those he had chosen was in any kind attached to him.He got very frustrated and depressive,drunk ways too much and still smelled;remember this little restroom - problem!This also didn´t help the situation.He was so sick and tired of his half-a-livethat he´d decided to commit suicideand shot himself in the head.Nothing happened of courseit was the wrong side of the skull - the one with no brain.He was taken to the hospital where he,packed in bandage stumbled into a person on the corridorpacked in bandage, too.But oh-god, it was a female with her skull dressing on the opposite side than his...Half a year later they were marriedand when their child was born - oh what a miracle:it was fully brained.He was the most happy person on this planet eventhough he was stillunbearably forgetful, dumb and smelled...So, their life became more and more difficult,she slept when he was awake,she shut doors when he wanted them open...their love turned into hateand one day she took the child and left him.It looks like femals can deal betterwith half brained lives than males.She went back to her motherwhere she still lives her happy half-brained life.But he drowned in deep depressions again,became worse than ever before and,yes, one day he took the old gun again and...BANG...this time he got the right side.He´d learned something after all.