I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home

I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door
And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore"
(CHORUS):
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home
So you'll feel more at ease here and you won't have to roam
We'll take out the dining room table, we'll put a bar along that wall
And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall"
She said, "Just bring those Friday paychecks and I'll cash them all right here
And I'll keep on tap, for all your friends, their favorite kind of beer
And for you, I'll always keep in stock those soft aluminum cans
And when you're feeling macho you can crush them like a man"
She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet and put sawdust on the floor
Serve hard-boiled eggs and pretzels and I won't cook no more
There'll be Monday Night Football on TV above the bar
And a payphone in the hallway when your friends can't find their car"
(CHORUS)
She said, "You'll get friendly service and for added atmosphere
I'll slip on something sexy and I'll cut it clear to here
Then you can slap my bottom every time you tell a joke
Just as long as you keep tipping, well I'll laugh until you're broke"
She said, "Instead of a family quarrel we'll have a bar-room brawl
When the Hamm's bear say's it's closing time you won't have far to crawl
And when you run out of money, you'll have me to thank
You can sleep it off the next morning, when I'm putting it in the bank"
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home
So you can feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
When you and your friends get off from work and you have a powerful thirst
There won't be any reason why you can't stop off here first"
(CHORUS)
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home
So you can feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
~ Fade ~