What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin' all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride from Detroit to East LA

Is this a white Christmas,
Hell no my man,
I'm leavin' blood in the snow
And smackin' fat men
You mean Santa?
That boy's a bitch
He caught my mom Christmas Eve and tried to give her a kiss
For real, he's no joke, the guy don't play
He tried to ride way more than a one- horse sleigh
Laughin 'all the way, but he's not laughin today
We'll jingle more than his bells
Even the elves will pay
Come Christmas Eve
Ol' Nick's a gonner
Well be snackin' on deer
Eatin' Blitzen and Donner
Not a question of when not even a maybe
Have a drunk Miss Claus
Say they jinglin', baby! (Hey Hey)
Givin' new meaning to Ho ho ho
Shake that ass, girl
Bumpin' booty in the snow
So watch out Santa, you jolly old troll
Well be strippin' that sleigh
And leave you the coal

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin' all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a drop-top Chevrolet
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin' all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride from Detroit to East LA

You playin' reindeer games?
Hell, yeah my friend
Grab Rudolph's horns and see how far they bend
When his nose turns red
His ass gets sent back out to the woods with his faggy elf Randall
Santa Claus wouldn't list me as nice
In fact he'll have me listed as naughty twice
Not 'cause of the fights or Christmas gift heist
But because of all the nog I left on his wife
It's time for Old Nick to move and retire
Before we roast his nuts on a big ass fire
Yes I'm that bad
Yes I'm that crude
I mean ya ass is huge
Lose weight for real dude (Hey Hey!)
All the cookies and milk
Simply quite sick
I mean, when’s the last time you seen your dick?
I don’t mean to throw a fit, and I’m not one to bitch
But every year, I get underwear, socks and shit.


Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin’ all the way
(Check it out, Jingle these bells, baby)
Oh what fun it is to ride in a drop-top Chevrolet
(Yeah, you know what I’m saying, I am gonna bring to you, blow it out, word up, like this, like this)
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin’ all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride from Detroit to East LA

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin’ all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a drop-top Chevrolet
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jinglin’ all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride from Detroit to East LA